Part 1 - Leaving Home
Leaving my home, my friends, my beloved dog Whisper, and a life that I truly love, has been so hard. I feel like I've just started to really settle into life on the Surf Coast, creating community and making lasting relationships, only months before deciding to leave. This has been one of my greatest struggles since leaving Canada, over nine years ago. Even though I feel more at home in Australia than in Canada, really setting down roots and finding that special place to call home, with loved ones nearby, has been difficult. And every time I think I've found it, there's a reason to leave, or the people that I love have to leave.
Maybe it's because I have the luxury of deciding. If I was in Canada I would have probably just stayed where I knew everyone and had my family near by. But isn't that one of the reasons I left? I didn't like the familiarity, I wanted the excitement and adventure of something new. I'm stuck between wanting adventure and exploration and putting down roots and finding comfort in community. Maybe I just need to accept that I'm a gypsy, and will have friends wherever I go. Or maybe that it's just not time for me to settle yet.
But anyways, the hard part, the leaving, is over. It's bittersweet of course, like most things. Two days before I left I received a fine for texting while driving. Without boring you with the details, this means that I will be getting a letter in the mail any day now, informing me that my licence will be revoked for 12 months. I was crushed when it happened. Absolutely ashamed. Not just because I was caught doing something I shouldn't, but because of the thousands of times I've done it, knowing that I shouldn't, knowing that it's dangerous, knowing I was not living up to my potential as a human being. It's like I still have that teenage cloud of invincibility fogging up my judgement. I've judged people for being immature before, well here's my comeuppance, as my Mom would say! At least the universe was kind enough to let me learn this lesson with a suspended licence rather than a huge accident and/or killing someone.
The main purpose of this journey is to get out of debt and avoid bankruptcy, thus salvaging my integrity. Receiving that fine was like the universe reminding me that there's a lot of room for improvement regarding my integrity, and it has nothing to do with my debts! In a way, I feel like I've let my Dad down. I know if he was alive today he would have been very disappointed in me. He raised me to be a good person, a smart and logical person, a person with integrity, one of the qualities I maintain as of utmost importance as a human being. I shall spend the rest of 2017 earning back the respect that I discarded with my actions.
Part 2 - Limitation is but a creation of the mind
At first, I was viewing my predicament as a limitation, that I wouldn't be able to travel around on this trip like I'd planned, working a few months and then moving on to the next place. Now I would be stuck, like a prisoner waiting out her sentence, in whatever job I was in when I receive the suspension. However, I am grateful to have very wise and caring friends who helped me shift my perspective (you know who you are), from one of limitation, to one of opportunity.
It never fails to amaze me, how a perspective of gratitude turns what you have into what you want. Now, if I have challenges that come up, I can't just run away from them. I have to solve them, so that I can stay where I am comfortably. Usually I like to surround myself with people who inspire me and push me to be a better person. But what if I am surrounded by people I wouldn't normally spend time with? How can I use that to my advantage? Certainly it will force me to find new ways to connect with a variety of people that I wouldn't have even tried with before. I would have avoided these situations because of self doubt, lack of confidence, or fear that I would have nothing to offer them and that they wouldn't accept me
The journey is the destination. I am here, on this planet, to evolve and grow and love and learn, and be the best human I can be. And I wont be fulfilling my purpose if I stay comfortable too long. As yoga has taught me over and over again, I need to push my boundaries to improve, and I need to listen and be open in order to receive. Ok universe, here I am, I'm ready...