Faith “ A strong trust in someone or something” - Miriam-Webster Dictionary
I have always been a fairly anxious person, very much in control, needing things to work out as planned to avoid stress. Over the years I've begun to see the detrimental effects of living this way, constantly on edge, worried that the worst will happen, anticipating a future that never arrives. And in an attempt to avoid stress by controlling my circumstances, I've caused myself so much unnecessary stress. And as most my of readers surely know, stress inflicts all kinds of damage on the body. Over the last month or so, I have been working tremendously hard at letting go of the reigns.
I wrote about my unbearable circumstances at the roadhouse in the last post, so I won't bore you with the details. Mainly, one very angry spiteful person made the whole place incredibly uncomfortable for everyone else. Once I escaped the oppressive atmosphere, and breathed in the fresh air of the real world, I could relax. I had a brief stint at another roadhouse, with a similar situation of one nutcase ruining it for everybody. After all the effort of flying a friend in to drive me there, I had to leave again. This time there was no one to rescue me.
I knew I had to put my faith in the Universe to look after me. I took a risk. I drove a nerve wracking 300km illegal drive along the blissfully quiet Stuart highway. I came to a small mining town called Tennant Creek, pop 3000. Within 90 minutes of arriving I had been offered a live-in position at the nicest hotel in town, working as a kitchen hand and housekeeper.
Meant. To. Be.
The staff are great, the hours plentiful, and I'm now a little closer to civilisation. There's even a cafe here! It's amazing how really angry negative people can make you appreciate the little things, like people not yelling at each other and just having a laugh at work. In fact, maybe that's why those people exist? To bring you back to gratitude?
I'm starting to think there was a much greater purpose for my license suspension. In the last three months I have never felt so much anxiety. So much loss of control over my circumstances. Perhaps the extreme nature of my circumstances has provoked extreme learning, because my ability to recognise the anxiety, and then simply let it go, and put my fate in the hands of the universe, becomes easier everyday.
There is just NO point in worrying. I mean, I still worry of course, I'm no Buddha. But I can at least catch myself now, and remind myself of the last time that I worried, and how everything worked out ok in the end anyways. It may not always go the way you wanted, and it may often go worse than you had planned. But more often than not, you come out the other side, with all your limbs, and all your teeth, and a few good friends by your side. Give yourself the gift of faith, it's so much more rewarding than anxiety.