A New Perspective
I am going forth with the material for this blog at the risk of offending my new friend, Greg. However, I have decided that, when it comes to connecting genuinely with other human beings, and that is my intention with this blog, and everything I do for that matter, it is more important to be honest and authentic than it is to be polite. And that, I am confident, is a sentiment he would agree with.
For a long time I have been trying to come to terms with the fact that I will never find a partner who ticks ALL of the boxes. I never have before, or at least, if they did tick the boxes, they didn't feel the same way about me. Attraction is such a tricky thing. I know now, after five years of being mostly single, that I DO want someone to share and witness life with. I've also learned that while I need to make some compromises and to some degree, settle, that there is one definite thing I cannot settle for. I cannot be with someone long term who I am only a little attracted to or have mediocre romance with. Most of my long term partners have been men whom I wasn't initially attracted to, but over time fell in love with their personalitites and the attraction came later. Not superficial - yay me! Except for that over the long term, the attraction was the first thing to fade, and no matter how much I loved him, I was just not happy anymore.
I may just be way too tied up in my root chakra, but if my partner isnt someone that I want to tie up and play with, I know I'm not going to be happy for long. I just get bored. No matter how good a partner he is to me, no matter how good a person he is. Bored.
So I've finally found a man, who makes me totally crazy (in a good way!). That's one big box definitely ticked. But what we're lacking is conversation. Mostly because we're both so different and both so stubborn that communication in general is a daily struggle. We connect emotionally, physically and spiritually, but I feel a lack in the conversation department. I am also aware that we've come together in rather unusual curcumstances. We live in a remote small town, have little to no friends here, and little to no activities to do outside of work and home, and therefore not much to talk about! We are each other's lover, best friend, and family. There is literally almost no one else to talk to. So is it fair for me to expect to be able to have amazing conversations with him every day? Probably not, considering if I was alone I'd not be having any conversations, let alone intellectually stimulating ones.
Then I met someone like Greg, when I went camping at the West Mac Ranges. We had an instant connection and I felt we could easily talk for days without getting bored. Spirituality, philosophy, relationships, life, music. So many interesting things to talk about. But there is no physical attraction. He was a beautiful human being inside and out, but for me, it's just not gonna happen. And I've been on the other side of that coin too, plenty of times.
So universe, what are you trying to tell me? That I can have these great conversations and experiences outside of my relationship? And be satisfied this way instead of expecting my partner to be it all? Or should I keep looking and maybe come up roses and lose what could have potentially been the love of my life if I simply humbled my ego and allowed my beautiful partner to enlighten me in different ways. Perhaps he has a lot to teach me, in ways I couldn't have expected. He already has =)