Nature’s Gift of Insight
We’ve all heard the saying before. That everything in life is either a lesson, a gift or a test.
For the better part of the last year I have felt ashamed that I had been lured into a toxic relationship by an abusor. To the point where I couldn't bring myself to be honest with my friends and family about what was really going on. How could I be so naive? I knowingly accepted my fate, and contributed to my own demise by allowing myself to fall prey. And for what? Egoic pleasure, animal lust, the temporary satisfaction of a motherly instinct to be needed? All just “stuff” to fill the void that love and respect for myself used to fill. Looking back on the last couple of posts, it's hard not to pick up on the denial. So. Embarrassing.
However, as I sat by my campfire tonight at Litchfield National Park, under a full moon, reflecting on the past year, I was gifted with a new perspective.
I think the lesson here is quite clear. Hello wolf. Hello intuition. You can have my basket of apples but that’s all I’m willing to give... as I retreat from Grannies house in the woods back to the safety of my mothers’ (Nature's) wise womb.
But the gift, the gift has taken some time alone in the woods to become clear. The gift is the revelation that I am not a victim at all, but a woman of such great love and fullness of heart, she is willing to endure the suffering of another, in order to lighten their load for a time, and allow them respite from their ills enough to carry them through to the next journey. That I was not naive after all, having read the signs and given intuition the nod but not the go. I knew full well what I was doing. I know the strength that I possess and that no matter how charming the wolf, I could never really, really be eaten.
The test was not, as I had thought, a test of my will. But rather a test of my strength. And I am grateful to say that the wolf has retreated back into the woods. And though it felt like a heavy storm at the time, the recovery has been a swift gentle breeze. Thanks nature. I'm back.