Faith - “ A strong trust in someone or something” - Miriam-Webster Dictionary
I have always been a fairly anxious person, very much in control, needing things to work out as planned to avoid stress. Over the years I've begun to see the detrimental effects of living this way, constantly on edge, worried that the worst will happen, anticipating a future that never arrives. In an attempt to avoid stress by controlling my circumstances, I've caused myself more stress! And as most my of readers surely know, stress inflicts all kinds of damage on the body.
Over the last month or so, I've had plentiful opportunities to put my "letting-go" strategies into practice.
I wrote about my unbearable circumstances at the roadhouse in the last post, so I won't bore you with the details. Mainly, one very angry spiteful person made the whole place incredibly uncomfortable for everyone else. Once I escaped the oppressive atmosphere, and breathed in the fresh air of the real world, I could relax. I've found comfort at another roadhouse, a little closer to civilisation, and a lot more pleasant. It's amazing how really angry negative people can make you appreciate the little things, like people not yelling at each other and just having a laugh at work. In fact, maybe that's why they exist? To bring you back to gratitude?
I'm starting to think there was a greater purpose for having my license suspended. In the last three months I have felt more anxiety than my entire life experience combined. Perhaps the extreme nature of my circumstances has provoked extreme learning, because my ability to recognise the anxiety, and then simply let it go, and put my fate in the hands of the universe, becomes easier everyday.
There is just NO point in worrying. I mean, I still worry of course, I'm no Buddha. But I can at least catch myself now, and remind myself of the last time that I worried, and everything worked out ok in the end anyways. It may not always go the way I wanted, and it may often go worse than I had planned. But more often than not, I come out the other side, with all my limbs, and all my teeth, and a few good friends by my side. Today, I am giving myself the gift of faith, it's so much more rewarding than anxiety.